apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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