I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
