I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
