I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
