I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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