I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
