Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
