Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
