you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
