Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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