So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
