when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
