I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
