I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
