im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
