That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
