can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
