Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A bitchslap is in order.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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