do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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