I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
God gave him joint rollers for hands
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
