Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
