Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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