omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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