OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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