how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
