last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
