what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
