sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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