I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
