Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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