I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
