every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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