in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
