life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
True strength comes from lack of pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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