I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
