overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
