Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Two words: blizzard sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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