She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
