haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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