i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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