need another drink. this is the easiest way
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
BRING THE BAGELS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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