I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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