did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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