To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
