I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
