just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
