This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
