I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize