the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
