she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
