first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
