he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just high enough for therapy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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