i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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