I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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