ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
