Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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