I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
