yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
