I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
