god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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