I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
