She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
