sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
