This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize