What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
