After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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