I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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