The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
