when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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