If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
