I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
