sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
