Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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